I always believed that it was a matter of love that defined a relationship. What I am learning through my marriage is that it is not always love that directs the relationship, it is actually whether the two people fit.
There is an old saying from, I believe, the Jewish tradition that says, “A bird and a fish can fall in love, but where would they live?” Maybe, it was from the musical, “Fiddler on the Roof.” I don’t know.
There is nothing wrong with either the fish or the bird as they are; however, they have different needs and those needs are intrinsic to their very survival. Even a penguin, that spends most of its time underwater feeding, must have air or it will drown. A fish can survive for a while on the deck of a fishing boat, but eventually, without the oxygen from the water, the fish will suffocate.
The irony is not lost on me that my husband is an air sign, Libra, and I am a water sign, Cancer. Anyone who knows anything about western astrology will tell you that these two signs are bound to find challenges in the best of relationships.
Fit. It’s all about the fit.
We cannot ask someone to be who they are not. We cannot wait for them to become the person of our dreams. We must, necessarily, accept them for who they are today. Are the patterns they show us conducive to our happiness and theirs? Do they see you as a whole person or are they, too, waiting for you to become someone they want you to be?
These questions are facing me today. All I can do is tell the truth to myself about who I am, what I truly need, and who I recognize my husband to be from the choices he has made. My choices thereafter are becoming self-evident.
Being an adult can be a drag, for sure, but it’s well worth the journey.
If there is one prayer I have for myself, it is, “Let there be truth in my life, the truth that only I can know. Then, help me to be strong enough to stay or go so that I have a chance at true happiness.”
It’s a daily question. Somehow, though, I think that’s healthier since the alternative is to let our relationship stagnate from a lack of reflection. Ours truly is a living relationship and that’s a good thing.